Monday, June 13, 2016

MARTA apologizes for any inconvenience

Commuters in the Atlanta area found signs on Metro Atlanta Regional Transportation Authority (MARTA) train platforms this morning indicating that they "Apologize for any inconvenience".

According to the informative placards: "The elevators at the Georgia State MARTA Station will be out of order for the next 7 years.  Riders wishing to disembark at the Georgia State MARTA Station who need elevators will need to stay on the train to the Five Points Station, then take the once-per-day #164 bus to Auburn St., then proceed southward to Nick's Five and Dime to purchase a Rush Pass which will allow riders to board state-of-the-art rickshaws that can be commissioned to provide rides back to the Georgia State station. Note that rides aboard the rickshaws will be provided at a first come first serve basis."

Asked about the aforementioned "inconvenience" during the evening rush hour, area commuter Janice Bardell replied, "No, it's ok.  I was able to get to work just after lunch, and [the rickshaw driver] was very understanding when I explained about my wheelchair's horn being broken.  And besides, I sure do appreciate that they're working hard to fix those elevators.  It was awful sweet of them to apologize like that!"

Other commuters were less understanding, however.  Local welder Vince Pallegno offered the following: "MARTA is a cockfucking shitfuck," and mother of two Adrienne Woods said, "Dammit! This stroller barely fits on the escalator!"

Still, by and large, MARTA riders appeared to be in an understanding and cooperative spirit during the evening commute, as evidenced by Durnest, the middle-aged homeless man wearing a red "I was at Danielle's Bat Mitzvah" t-shirt who kindly offered to pee on the platform instead of the elevator for now.

MARTA spokesperson Mary Lynn Cooke praised her staff for their diligent signage and added that her organization also plans to apologize for any future inconveniences caused by forthcoming breaks in service during siesta, lent, and in the off chance that the south rises again.

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