Thursday, September 15, 2016

Can you please pass the Philips head screwdriver?

No, not that one.  The Philips head.

No, that's a regular screwdriver.  I need the Philips head.

The bigger one.


Ok, now I'm gonna need the channel locks and a crescent wrench.

No, that's a needlenose.  No.  Yes.  They are different. 

No.  That's a wirestripper. 

Seriously?  That's my crimping tool! 

Haven't you ever seen a set of pliers and wrenches before?  What the hell is wrong with you?  Do you really not know what these things are?  Dammit.

Ok, yes, but I need the larger one.  The larger crescent.  Crescent!  It looks like a crescent!  Like the moon!  Have you ever seen the sky at night?  Get me the goddam tool that looks like a moon wrench!  Jesus Christ!! 

Yes.  Yes.  Thank you.  I'm sorry I lost my cool a little bit.  Thank you for your help.  I just can't reach any of this stuff from underneath here.  Yes.  I do appreciate your help.  Yes, you're right.  Uh huh.  I agree.

Ok, I'm gonna need a couple of those washers as well.  Yes, washers. The round metal things with the holes in the middle. No, those are nuts.  Yes.  Yes, they are similar.  I need the flat ones.  The washers.  The WASHERS!  WASHERS!!!  JUST GIVE ME SOME GODDAM WASHERS!!!!   THE FUCKING FLAT ONES!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?  WASHERS!!!!  WASHERS!!!!!!!!   WASHERRRSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Don't.  Ok.. I'm sorry.  Stop crying.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  Please stop crying.  It's ok.  I know you're only 4 years old.  I know.  Stop crying.  I'm sorry.  No, you don't have to help me anymore.  No, it's ok.  I'm sorry.  Your new puppy just won't have a home to live in.  Yeah.  That's right.  You have yourself to thank.  It will be cold and lonely, and it won't have a home. 

You're ready now?  Ready to help?  Good. Yup, me too.  Yes.  I want the puppy to be happy too.  Yes, and warm.  Yes.  When it's done, this will be a nice little house for him.  Yes, I'm sure he will love it.  Yes.  I think so too.  Yes, we can even paint it.  I agree, and he will have blankets and a pillow in there.  Yup, lots of treats too.  I think so too.  He's going to love it.  Once we're done.  Yeah, we have two pages left in the instructions.  Two.

Merry Christmas. 

I still need the washers.

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