Thursday, July 28, 2016

Identical twin snowflakes forced to duel

Mild concern quickly escalated to panic in the early morning hours of the recent snowstorm, as snowflakes falling through the sky started to realize that two of their colleagues were identical.  There were gasps of horror, shrieks, convulsions of terror, and a few flakes even passed out as it became increasing apparent (as dawn broke across the horizon) that the impossible had happened: two snowflakes looked exactly the same. 

The offending pair (both shaped as dendritic flakes with plates at the end of their limbs, fern-like branches, and a densely rimed core) at first appeared to be unaware of each others' existence.  But as the morning light increased, the falling flakes were clearly distraught at the sight of their replica.  As they wisped downward, they were heard jeering at each other derisively, with taunts of "You're a freak!" and "You malformed ordinary dendrite!" and even "Irregular germ!"  And these profanities became part of an overwhelming cacophony as other snowflakes, reviled by the pair, shouted out their hateful criminations: "It's unnatural!", "Make them sinter!", and various other slanders.

So, the snowflakes did what they knew was necessary and just.  A handful of particularly repulsed flakes drifted towards each other, merged, and turned into graupel.  Their large and foreboding presence earned them the respect of all their neighbors, and they did made haste to render judgment upon the offending pair so as to restore order and dignity.

"Fellow flakes", they began, as one, "we today have witnessed something so unnatural and grotesque that were are forced to act, not just for the dignity and righteousness of our neighbors, but for the fabric of all snowflake society.  As there can be only one snowflake of a given shape, size, and composition, we declare that these two offending snowflakes be forced to duel.  To the death, for them, as we must ensure that the gospel remain correct, as it was been said across the ages and around the globe, taught to us as mere condensates grasping onto our nuclei: 'No two snowflakes look the same', and truer, more fair verses have never been spoken.  So it will be.  A duel to the death."

And snowflakes throughout the air column cheered in agreement, shouting, "To the death!  To the death!"

The offending pair approached and locked each others' glare, readied their needles as the crowd began to roar in anticipation, and suddenly the whole cohort of flakes landed on a dirty pile of deformed snow and ice, road grime, oils, and muck, and were immediately run over by a truck tire, squeezed into a crevasse in the pavement, and melted by salt monsters.

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