Psychologists scramble to add new, sixth stage of grief in wake of Trump victory: "vomiting"

The nation's psychologists have been hurriedly incorporating a new, widespread grieving-type reaction to the revelation that Donald Trump has been elected as the next U.S. President--violent, convulsive vomiting--to the well-known 'stages of grief' model.  Apparently an involuntary reaction to the horrific news, Americans everywhere have been experiencing the wretching, nauseous behavior, prompting psychological experts to add the symptom to the other 5 established stages of grieving and loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  When pressed for comment, American Psychologists Association spokesperson Sharon Bridges exclaimed, "There's no way they counted the... [sound of vomit] ... can't be ... [more puking]."


[Editor's note]: No additional details are available for publication at this time as all Leeks and Scallions staff writers have been unable to stop themselves from puking into their respective toilets, garbage cans, and on their republican-voting relatives.